Lonely Nerd..

sad 7

2009-09-24T06:33:00.002+08:00

Sad sadded saddest.

I dunno what to say. I dunno what to type. I dunno what I feel.

Life's in shambles... Finance is bad, Career is bad, Education is bad, Love life is..... Sigh.

I somehow managed to see through alot of things le... I've realised that alot of things cant be done by me.. Starting to acknowledge the fact already...

No matter what happened, somehow or rather, I'm still always be there for you.

You said u missed my smile.. but i cant bring myself to tell you that.. You took the smile away with you..

I'll try to smile infront of you.. so as not to add on stress to you.. Hope the smiles dont look too fake cos in reality, my heart's weeping all the time.

sad?

2009-09-01T00:54:00.002+08:00

Sashiburida. (Jap for long time no see)

Those who are reading my blog, pls dont read le... delete the blog addr away... too emo ya i know...

But is ok! i'm getting better day by day i guess. I will try to move on with my life.. no longer stagnant there le....

My new motto in life: Find a reason to smile everyday.

Am now studying for my CCNA..

If that day really comes that i am just not the one... tink i will really move on ba.. For now, focus on solving my financial problems 1st...

sad 6

2009-07-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

My heart hurts.. so much... it's bleeding so much...

borrowed $50 from mum a couple of days ago.. so that i could spend it on her on the 25th...
Stupid? maybe.. i dunno.. didn't have enough money to send her flowers yea.. but at least the 50 bucks was enough to send her to work and have lunch with her...

dont tink she remembers yesterday was our 2mth anniversary... ha.. 2mths would be just a joke to her.. doubt she even remembers what day it is...
I dont blame her though.. she has so many things on her mind, so many guys in her life... so many anniversary days to remember.. there's DR, XR, Charles, Steve, and whoever whoever... i'm just a nobody.. y would she even bother to remember haha...

I tink i am just a close fren to her.. i dunno.. soneone whom she can talk to freely.. so that she no need to keep her thoughts all inside her mind... but i know i can never grab her heart...
I dunno y i love her so deep so much... i really have no idea...

No1 really understands my position. i really dunno.. sometimes she treats me nice... sometiems she treats me bad..
i realise i am already in a very fortunate position already.. for her to bare her heart to me.. talk about her family, her frens, her suitors.. all the guys in her life... yea sometimes it hurts to know what they do.. but it's still a position where many ppl will admire.. even peng doesn't have that privilege..

i really dunno if she likes me at all or just treat me like a close fren who she can bear her heart to..

I've got a new nickname... 24 Filial Dog. I dunno what to say.. Infront of my frens & colleagues, i have no pride at all... Lv999 Wee Chee Mong Kok.. but it's ok... I can drop every single 1 of my frens just for her..
Does pride really matters in love? I've been to buy cosmetics.. nail polish.. hair shampoo.. nail art.. watever watever, drawing curious looks from the sales staff. Bleahs heck care...
I've eaten parsley.. eaten spring onions.. just to make her laugh... made a complete fool of myself infront of her.. so that she can just laugh out..

last friday.. kanna shoot by my 2 best buds until i buey lim chu... but it's true that i'm an asshole.. we've known each other for like 8years.. I can just drop them so easily.. and even threaten to fight with them if they ever badmouth her.. and pangseh them everytime she wants to meet me...

just now... her phone no batt... she asked me if i had a spare phone.. so i was gonna go there and pass her my phone.. w/o any qualms.. so i took the mrt.. yea i was late cos had a little quarrel with my parents.. i was going out so late somemore i still tried to borrow money from my mum again.. was quite late in reaching there...
told her i was reaching then she said she tell the lionel that she pass me something...

As i reached orchard.. she sms me the words: : "I go off le".. my smile dropped...
Called her immediately.. she said she had already left orchard.. just 5 more mins she also didn't wait... cant blame her also.. she hates waiting for people... then she wait quite long already.. then the lionel must had been pestering her to go off with him..

my heart really dropped... i dunno what to say i dunno what to do.. i felt like an idiot.. y the hell i go find a phone.. charge it and then rush to fareast just to pass to her.. only to reach there to find her gone with another guy. Stupid me still alighted at orchard mrt, walked to fareast, go inside walk 1 round before making my way home.

I dunno what to say.. Yea this lionel guy is very gentlemen, very handsome, very tall and rich.. he got the perfume and height of DR.. then the steve today very nice also.. gentlemen.. very generous.. and never touch her also..
& what have i done?? Nothing. Nothing except to make her wait for 30mins @ fareast..
I deserved to be left alone at fareast..

Had to control my tears all the way home.. reach home... i admit i was weak.. dropped afew tears.. but i managed to pull it back.
I told myself i should never cry... but this time my heart really broke into pieces...
It made me realise that I'm such a poor guy... i cant even take care of her.. i cant buy her nice stuff.. no car to send her around... cant pei her when she is stressed.

I am a complete failure... I dont even deserve her love at all..
I cant care for her.. cant be there for her.. cant do anything for her also..
I only managed to add more stress more trouble for her...

Wo mei yong...

sad 5

2009-07-16T19:01:00.003+08:00

Today is the opening of Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince...

Lucky me managed to date her today to go watch together.. tried to book on tuesday.. all the cinemas full sia.. lucky managed to find a nice 2-seat at GV Marina.. booked it immediately regardless of how broke i am...

Finally a chance to be with her solo.. it's been ages that i solo with her

Well.. u would say lucky.. but yesterday.. she went dbl o with meifang.. she's so stressed that she will definitely drink alot dance alot etc... sure knock out...

From that moment i saw her off into the taxi, I had this premonition that she will be not be able to make it for the movie.. But i had expected it... I'm nothing to her... the fact that she agreed to watch the movie with me instead of plain rejecting is already a miracle.

Well, tried to contact her but her phone was totally flat.. no battery... Only managed to contact her exactly at 3PM.. the start time of the show.. She had just reached home... Too exhausted & too late to come.. 23seconds. that was how long the call lasted.

This feeling of being "fang-fei-ji" really sucks man... but what to do.. she's tired.. I dont blame her.. I only blame myself.. blame myself for being useless, blame myself for wishful thinking that she would watch with me.

1st time I ever watched a movie alone.. nice experience.. staring at an empty seat next to me.

It's ok. My heart hurts.. but it's not that she doesn't want to come.. just that abit too late abit too tiring for her.. I'm used to being hurt all the time.. I've been hurt so many times that i tink it's normal.

I'm getting tired... I'm so broke that i dont even have $50 in my bank account.. all that wishful tinking.. all that fantasies of mine is just... crashing down infront of me..

Dunno... I cant feel that she loves me.. just maybe abit feeling..
Perhaps she is just looking for someone she can talk to.. express her true thoughts. One whom she can freely express herself to.. a very close fren..
But i just dont make the cut to be her boyfriend i guess.. I'm too short, too skinny, too light, too weak, too dumbb, not sweet, not adorable, too stupid.. everything bad nothing nice.
I cant even give her a sense of security...

My heart is dropping tears.. How long can i carry on? I have no idea... sometimes i just wish to MIA from everything...

sad 4

2009-07-08T23:02:00.003+08:00

Well, the 1mth passed... i sent her flowers.. wanted to give her a surprise by personally delivering it to her.. i lied to her that i asked the person to deliver the rose to her door.. but actually i took the whole day off.. woke up at 10+ to go jp collect the flowers.. then make my way to her block.. hoping to pass the flowers to her personally.

but.. bcos 1 of her suitors called her... i had to wait under her block for 30mins... before she finally answered my call after my repeated smses... told her that i was under her block.. wanted to give it to her personally...
but she told me just to put the flowers outside her house... sigh...

Then all was well... as per normal...

I asked her if i can get a ring with her... well she agreed! So now i'm wearing a ring~
As for her.. i dunno... sometimes she wears sometimes she doesn't wear... the small kid is clever.. he knows that's not some ordinary ring..

Can see she is starting to like that kid... though her mouth keeps saying he is a fucker, a yp.. they quarrel non-stop almost everyday... she really cares for him.. the stuff she does for him, the way she panics when something happens to him, how frustrated she becomes whenever they quarrel... Everything seems to point that she likes him...

Although she say he is not her future.. but she is definitely falling for him...
Sighs... I wonder what am i... has she ever treated me as a bf???
I thought the 2 sweet smses were really nice.. until i saw that she sent the same 2 to the kid as well..
my heart dropped though i never said... but well, it's already an honour to have recieved it though it's just a duplicate.

We've been 'together' for 1mth+ already... the only sweet days was the 1st few days where she specially wake up to sms me... & that she spent 3hrs just to brew that really nice herbal drink to cure my gastric..

But i know i have never gotten her heart... Her heart is always fluttering amongest the many guys around her.. but simply never to me...
The only special thing i have is that she tells me everything about her life.. like reporting status to me... but i dunno what it means.. does it mean that i am that important that she feels it's necessary to keep me posted about her life?? or isit just she needs someone to talk about her personal things to..

She is always being so nice to other guys... i hate it.. but i dont have a say do i...
Steve, though she keep say she hate she hate.. but her tolerance towards him is so much higher..
She gives gifts to ppl... but never once to me... though i dont mind.. but the element of jealousy is always there....

I'm really broke right now... Everytime she is unhappy, i will try my best to be there for her.. listen to her woes.. try to offer advice, just to get shoot back that i dont understand at all... Play pool.. Eat.. Chill..

Sometimes i just wish i could just say a no to her... but i just cant bring myself to say it at all..
I will tell myself.. there is a limit there is a limit... but everytime i talk to her... the limit just goes...

sigh.... Will i ever give up?? or will i perservere and manage to hold her heart??
The ring i keep wear on my finger... but will she wear it?? Will I be such an important person that she will wear my ring?? Will one day we be able to announce to the world that we are a couple??

sad 3

2009-06-22T02:08:00.003+08:00

I feel so sad. I feel so emo.

Today, I really didn't feel like talking at all.. Just like the me 1-2yrs ago.
So i just kept quiet..

Peng said i spoke less than 5 sentences today...

I have this question on my mind...

Last time was "Where do I stand?"

But right now... I just wanna ask her... "Am I still your boyfriend? Is our relationship still valid?"
I cant bring myself to ask her... I'm afraid of the answer...
Furthermore, this will only add stress to her.. burden her with more stress..
This question will only put her in a spot.

I can cope with this alone.. no need to add on to hers...
I'll be the 1 who is sad over this relationship...

3 more days... 3 more days will be our 1st mth... dunno if she remembers...

** SaD **
-Listening to repeats of Li Jiu Zhe - Bu Wan Mei-

sad 2

2009-06-21T17:50:00.002+08:00

Found it was a mistake.. she mistook me for another person...

But now... more problems have surfaced...

i dunno how to say it..

I'll always be there to support her decision.. I'll advise, I'll guide... but ultimately it's her decision..
No matter what it is.. i will always stand behind her decision. Always...

Sad 1

2009-06-15T14:09:00.004+08:00

Today is a sad day...

She's having a fever right now.. she just recover not long ago now she sick again...
Then her sister back pain unable to take care of her..

And they have no lunch and noone to take care of them..

Thought they needed someone to take care of them...
Couldn't ask gary for leave... so i went above him direct to anthony.
Basically i panicked... All that was in my mind was just to get to them, get lunch for them & take care of them.. especially her.. i dont even care how much work i had in office..

Lucky anton damn understanding.. he spoke to gary on my behalf and approved me leaving...
And i couldn't even give him a time when i could come back to office..

Dun care me broke... jitao rush cab to jurong.. ask uncle drive faster faster...
At Lornie Rd.. bcos the uncle drive abit fast.. almost kanna accident... car infront suddenly brake.. heng the uncle jam the brakes hard enough.. the brakes screech damn loud... stop just nice... less than afew cm from the front car..

Reached jurong le.. went to draw cash.. saw the time... 10.55 already... faster ciong to Mac buy macbreakfast for her sister. then ciong to buy fish porridge for her.. though she no appetite.. dun care just buy for her lor..
tink i opened my knee wound again.. hurting now..

reached her house at 11.07am... sweating.. cos i fastwalk/jog to buy food and go her house..
Her sis opened the door.. i went in.. tinking that i today take care of them...

Went into her room... ask her how is she...
The moment she saw me... she just screamed for me to get out...
and scold her sister y let me into the house...

At that point... my heart was shattered to pieces...
After all i did.. all i got was a...

I really really felt like an idiot at that point of time..
Y was i so kancheong and rushing all the way from lorong chuan to jurong?
Y did i panic in office?

I am not a gd boyfriend..
When she is sick she doesnt even want to see me at all..
I cant even gain her basic trust..

I finally realised where i stand..
What to do.. gotta know my own standard... reach this current position already considered tyco le...

Right now I just hope she recovers asap.. she has suffered enough recently.. Pls god dun let her suffer anymore.. I'll take her place instead.. just put all the sickness on me...

*** Heart-Broken ***

moodless 6

2009-06-11T23:32:00.001+08:00

The backstabbing has begun.. lucky we had a very short private moment together and we realised that he was the middle person making the misunderstanding...

It is true.. one can resort to anything despicable when it comes to love..
Hope i can gain a foothold in her heart before he kills me off..

Met sister just now... had a short talk... she advise me to put career 1st instead of love...
but i know she also is afraid to commit into love..

Me? I'm afraid too.. I'm really in too deep.. I gave out my heart already.. the full 100%..
Never one day did i not have my phone beside me.. waiting for that 1sec miss call or that sms..
My phone practically exists just for her...

I may never recover from this hurt if she leaves me..
I know I'll be just a passing cloud past her borderless sky..
All the things I've done for her, every other guy can do so too.. and do it better..

She'll most probably totally forget about me in 3-6mths...
But the hurt she leaves will stay with me forever & forever.

I dunno.. I am really scared...
I got no looks, no money, no brain.
The only thing i have that i can give to her is my heart... which alot other guys can and have done so too...

Sometimes i feel i'm something in her heart.. yet sometimes i feel i'm just nothing..
It's a super big rollercoaster ride...

I know she can see right through me.. and she knows i'm most probably tinking too much again..
So she'll always gimme miss calls to let me know that she's free for a chat.
Or even when she's not free, she'll still make the effort & time to have a short talk with me..

Really touched...
U know.. to get the attention of a girl like her... is harder than getting to heaven..
I wish i could be just 24/7 next to her, talking to her, looking at her...
Yet.. i dont even have the courage to call her out of my own accord, hold her hand, give her a hug etc...
To me, she is just that angel from above.. So.. unique so special.. so beautiful.. so out of this world..

I'm really privileged.. to get into her inner circle.. and now, her bf, though it's never announced.
I dont mind though.. I'm already in a position that many many men have tried and failed...
It's even more than winning top prize in toto. It's simply priceless.

But one day, I truly hope that I can announce loudly to the world, that she is MY GF. that i can hold her hand in public. and wear our couple rings together just like every other couple.
To be able to be with her throughout her happy days her sad days her emo days her troubled days.. till the day she parts this world.

I just wanna say... I love you dear. I really really do.. No matter how long this relationship can last.. I will never ever forget the days I've spent with u..

I love you...
To be able to be your bf even though it's never announced, is the best thing that ever happened to me.

mood 1

2009-06-10T20:51:00.002+08:00

So far has been so good ba....

all has been rather peaceful ba...

Am even more broke than ever...

struggling to pay debts... have hardly 500 bucks inside bank account now...

But the gd thing is, I'm getting closer & closer to her... that's what i feel.. or rather.. she is paying more & more attention to me already...

was really really touched that just bcos i dont like it, she rather let her mum scold than ask that asshole..
She thought of my feelings even though she was super duper tired & pissed.
really really super touched. no1 has even done that for me... and for her to do it... really super unexpected...

really really super touched...

Moodless 5

2009-05-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I cant believe this... 1st day was... super super duper sweeettttt... i felt so loved... then on the 3rd day... it all fell crashing to the ground... i screwed up.. why the fuck did i go itchy mouth ask him that stupid question?? Start to kanna backstab liao.. so now it's good luck to me.. i tink more likely is byebye already.

i dont fucking believe it.. everything that i had worked hard for in the last 1yr is gonna come crashing down all the way...

I'll fight yea I'll fight.. but i dunno.. Our relationship is only that 3 days old... And she is the kind who will slowly fall in love.. so 3 days is just not enough for her to commit.. For me, before the start, i already committed 100%.

I finally know what is called true love.. what is called to love a person..
Love can really make a person do alot of stunts... things that he wont normally do..

Will it be byebye for me? Will I lose this battle?
I am so broke now that i cannot afford to bring her out to eat etc...
Paying for all the debts have left me stranded..
I dont even have enough money for myself already...

I wanted to listen to her voice on tuesday.. Bcos i couldn't take the stress anymore.. But she dozed off.. I dont blame her.. she's really very tired after working.. Embarrassingly, I burst into tears on my bed suddenly. Till now i never told anyone about it.. super embarrassing...

Right now i really feel like crying again... Something i worked towards for the past 1yr... finally achieved... now it's just slowly slipping away from your fingers..
Fuck it... Already cried 2 times in the past 3mths... Y am i such a crybaby.. and i swore to myself after my grandfather's death that I'll never cry so easily ever again..

If i win this battle, i do not gain much.. only to face even more challenges further on..
If i lose this battle, i will lose 2 of my closest frens.. Never to contact each other again..

Typing this entry brings tears to my eyes. No i wont cry. I'm just sad at the state of things. Why cant people love freely?
Just bcos you like her, u kill off everyone who gets close to her, but you dont even have the balls to admit u like her. Fuck you.

Surprise!

2009-05-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

16hrs after i posted my previous entry, the most amazing thing happened in my life.

SHE FINALLY AGREED TO BE MY GF. OMG OMG OMG!

On 25/5/2009 4.25PM, she finally agreed to be my gf~

omg omg... i really cannot believe my ears... I'm really at a loss for words.

I LOVE YOU AVALYN!~

moodless 4

2009-05-25T00:47:00.000+08:00

Didn't talk to her much today..

She's feeling super stress now.. went back to taking 'sweet'..
sigh..

meet up for awhile just now.. we just talk abit.. i didn't have much to say... maybe i finally ran out of topics le ba... so i generally kept abit quiet...

had a little craving for sour stuff.. so dun care going to cough or not.. bought a pack of chipsters tomato flavour..

Dunno.. I feel i've become dependent on avalyn & peng.. i'm very used to them already.. They brought me out of my shell..

Sometimes i feel i need to go back in my shell.. living my boring life..
dunno... i always tell her that if she finds someone else that she really love.. then i will wish her happiness..
Well... it's a high possibility.. i am not the best and definitely 1 of the worst..
I've thought of this before.. I realise Love itself is really very weida.. I love her till the point where i just want her to be happy.. I'll do anything and go to any lengths just to relieve her stress & make her happy... even if she is not my gf...
Getting her as my gf is really a remote possibility.. thought she say she got abit like me.. which had me staring at that sms repeatedly for a damn long time.

Well.. i dunno what i will do if she has another guy as bf.. probably i'll just go back deeper into my shell.. maybe i'll just slit my wrist.. haha.. really thought of that before...

i dunno.. I've done all of what i can.. I've cracked my brains and did anything i could tink of... wonder what else can i do... sigh..

moodless 3

2009-05-24T03:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wonder what she does all the time...
a lil secretive.. like u only know a part of her life.. but u wont know the other part...

Feel really happy and ecstatic whenever she messages me. No matter she is happy or sad. cos i'll be there to share her joy or her troubles.

She's really uncontrollable haha.. well that's her. Bu Jian Guan Cai Bu Liu Lei...
but it's really cute of her..
Imagine she will never drink chinese medicine or herbal drinks at all, but when she sick, she will drink alot alot..

Eye pain = put many many eyedrops..
Sore Throat = many many strepsils..

sometimes see already also shake head ah.. bwg..

dunno y.. no matter what she does, correct or wrong, seems so logical and cute. haha.

Waiting up the entire night for her to gimme a ring when she reaches home..
she going to do something dangerous... which has me worrying till i cant sleep. no mood play games either...

The phone is constantly next to me. Set it to maximum ring already..
Hope i wont miss her call... cos she always wee hour call ppl will give that short little ring, more like half a ring... u miss it, then she wont call again..

Waiting for her to tell me that she's safely back home again...

moodless 2

2009-05-23T02:04:00.002+08:00

Well.. it's nearly a week. still emo. still fan.

Changed the blog addr. so that all previous ppl whom i gave access to can no longer see anymore.
dun tink i wanna give this address to anyone anymore. lidat i can write everything & anything i want.

I've managed to put enough money together to get 3.8k... damn.. wish it was before... now damn broke... even a 3.8k i also have hard time putting together.. and that is after scraping almost every cent i have and then borrow from my relative.

My mum's clever. she knows i need money... she can observe my actions.. when i dig out all my money stashes & ask her for my bankbook.

Guess what. she knows it's Avalyn.. omg... she just said "Must be RuiLing rite. or else anybody u wont be so kancheong & so willing to spend this much money"

This time i managed to scrape together 3.8k... next time really cannot already... sigh.. am really really broke...

Have to watch on what i've spend on already... Not gonna buy any more gadgets.. no more shirts/jeans... Shoes wait till really badly damaged then buy. lidat can save $ le ba..

Been so long since i've been in debt... i never owe anyone other than my mum more than $100..

Hope to solve all her problems.. dun mind if it means creating problems for myself..
di siao-ed her by saying her problems never-ending 1.. 1 end 1 come.. she got a lil pissed off.. *emo*

Gary is rather pissed at me. tink he complains alot about me to Anthony already..
Been talking on the phone during work abit too much.. that time off 2 days then weekend then mc again... then i took off days & leave abruptly.. then plus that morning urgent leave i took then never attend the 8am mtg...

This mth.. all the leave & off i've taken... all is for her haha.. i dun mind though. it's really worth it. If this little trouble can help solve her problems.. it is really really very worth it..

Damn broke now.. dunno how i can jio her in the future.. hell.. i dun even have enough to pay for her meals...
Asked her several times to be my gf.. by sms.. by phone.. by face-to-face.. all fail leh.. she siam the question... dunno if she take me seriously or not haha... or maybe she shy...
sure hope i have the chance la... dunno.. compared to the rest.. i am sort of the closest already.. As in.. she trusts me to do things for her, she trusts me to tell me her inner thoughts..
Even when she is seh, she still can remember got me and tell me to fetch her.. although that day i also seh from medicine still go fetch her.. i feel really honoured and happy.. at least when she is seh cant tink properly my name does appear in her head..

moodless

2009-05-17T20:32:00.005+08:00

Life sucks.

Everyone around me is having problems...

Funny thing huh. when i have no problems, people around me have problems. when i have problems, ppl around me have even bigger problems.

Sigh.

I really dunno what else i can do... what can i do to make you fall in love with me..

I've done nearly everything there is possible.. i really dunno what else i can do already...

I've always tried to be there for you whenever u need me. No matter how broke how tired how much my parents objected, i will always be there..

I know i cant move ur heart.. i cant make u fall fully in love with me yEa...
but i really really love u alot alot...

Sometimes i feel so close.. sometimes i feel so distant... really like a rollercoaster ride.
i dunno y it has to be you.. I've never been so concerned so crazy over any person..
I feel i'm not even myself anymore.

You say i'm a gd person.. but really.. nobody likes good guys. perhaps u are different. but i dont see the effect yet..

I really done everything i can tink of le.. i ask from frens for tips.. everything.. all can do 1 i've done le...

Everyone tells me to give up. say find another 1...
but.. i just dont give. i wont give up....

Ppl say I'm stupid, dumb, idiot, kum, noob, failure, throw guy face, look down on me. but i just dont fucking care. I'm already numb to all these.
No matter what ppl say, i just dont wanna give up. i dont wanna regret my entire life...
Even if i fail.. at least i've tried and trying my best.

I really really love u... yEs i do... no1 has made my heart beat this fast.. i've never dreamt of someone so often.. i've never thought of someone this much..

funny thing is, when ppl hear what i did, they all say "wow if a guy/girl does these to me, I'll be his/her bf/gf la!"

i dunno... wooing u is a rollercoaster ride... but i've never been really that close physically.. maybe bcos i dont dare to touch u & i dont wanna touch u before u are my gf too.

In the background, i would daresay mE & pEng are the closest to u le..
u 2 are the closest to me too. Infront of u guys, i feel safe talking about my secrets.

In front of other ppl... I am so far away.. i cannot even touch u..
Looking back... i never touched u much at all... that time help to massage ur painful palm & sometimes hold u lightly by the elbow to guide u.. that's all...

Seems sad huh.. haha.. but i should say i am contented ba... to reach that position is already very good given my own standard... i dont daresay about the future. the future is so uncertain. Everything will be so different. from the past 11mths with u, i've grown used to things happening non stop. 1 incident ends & the next 1 starts.

Now i worry so much about u omg... i really feel useless that i cant help u at all..
I also damn useless that i cant come up with a mere $3600... I'm really at my wits end...
Frens all siam me.. i cant ask much relatives also... i tink i may have to take a bank loan..

Ppl always ask me & occasionally i ask myself too.. y the fuck am i doing all this.. I really have no idea... I just want to solve ur problems by any means possible, even if it means creating problems for myself.
I do admit I'm having problems with my parents, my frens and my work.. but i just dont care.
Just to go out with u, to be with u, to solve ur problems, I can just fuck care everything i have. I just want u to be happy.. As long as u are happy.. even if u are not my gf... i will be happy too.
Should u like some other guy, i will help u wherever i can.. as long as u are happy...

Wo zhen de zhen de hen xi huan ni.....
could never find the chance to ask you be my gf....
I just wish u will nod ur head... or at least give some hints.. but i know that's not ur style....
It's ok. I'll always be there for you no matter what. If u need someone to talk to, to accompany, I'll always be there for u. Right there.

I LOVE YOU... I REALLY DO....

sigh

2009-04-23T15:05:00.002+08:00

i got so many things to say. yet i dunno how to type it out..

When i thought we were actually helping.. in the end we were the one who worsened the situation.
that kind of feeling is really bad...

hate it.

2009-04-19T07:33:00.002+08:00

long time since i wrote in my diary..

been a long while..

many things happened...

i had a rather nice time at the chalet.. 4 of us in that super big chalet. lolz...

spent quite abit of money so now i'm very broke... sigh.. wish the economy was alot better... at least can get bonus and/or pay raise...

Over the past 10mths or so, my life have changed alot.
I've met new people. Made really close frens. Saw people come and go.
Knew more about the world than before.

In a sense, became more mature but at the same time, became more childish and stupid.

In this world, there are all sorts of people. People who are sly, people who are trustworthy, people who are quick-thinking, people who are flirty, people who are just plain stupid etc

I belong to the group of ppl who are just plain stupid..
hahaz... i dun like to play so much politics.. it's lame u know... quite wasting time..

But it's not just office politics etc... in life in love in many things else.

People around me have been calling me stupid, dumb, idiot, sha gua, ben dan, noob.

Oh well, what to do. That is human nature; regardless of what people tell u not to do, if u wanna do it, no1 can stop u.

Been going deeper and deeper over the past 8mths... cant step out cant go further.. stuck there.

Life itself is very funny. Sometimes u get what u want, sometimes u dont. However, sometimes u get it when u least expect it. And u may lose it when u own it.

Hence to all, cherish what you have around you before they are gone..

slow update

2009-03-17T03:30:00.002+08:00

ah. it's been awhile since i updated my dear diary.

been so busy with doing my reports that i have little or no time at all!

rt sessions are now thrice a week! omg! tiring tiring! thank god it's gonna end this week...

anyway, the saga with my parents ended rather quickly after i had a talk with my mum.. haha..

sigh! company 10% pay cut! OmG! but got 2 days off per mth lo... everyone's mood is super sianz also..

now budget! everything save save!

Clearing leave last week of march! holiday! chalet! wEe!

family.sux

2009-02-15T12:20:00.002+08:00

After my prev post, i went out to watch Underworld! NicE!

then after that walk walk abit.. saw jolin & jas, who were watching a movie too.

They watched at cine (walk towards ps) and we watched at ps (walked toward cine).

lolzzz...

went to eat.. chill out.. relax.. then went home at 6+....
so nice throughout, no sms/calls from parents at all!

thought so nice siaaa... go back should have a nice talk with my parents.
Then so nice. reach home. THEY FUCKING BOLTED THE DOOR.

KNN. FUCKING CHEEBYE. THEY GOOD.
I die die dont wanna call the house phone or call their phones and plead for them to open the door.
So what did i do? Brute Force lo wat to do. And i was so nice to reduce the noise generated.. i never zam the door hard hard lo...

i just keep pushing the door against the bolt. depends the bolt will break 1st or the door will break 1st, either 1 works for me.

Spent nearly 20mins. Bottom half of the door abit dented (It's metal-reinforced that's y never break), and the bolt slided down and opened the door!

haha! no visible damage to bolt or door! ROFL!
but i tink when the door open to my pushing that time, it swing open and broke the magnetic stopper. hahahaz.

After this incident, I'm really deeply disappointed with my parents. I've lost hope in them. I cannot bring myself to confide in them anymore.

I tried to talk to my mum but she just raises her voice everything. I'm fucking sick and tired of her crap.

Nvm Nvm.. nOt gonna speak much to them already anyway.

V day EVE

2009-02-13T21:51:00.002+08:00

haha. it's been awhile it's been awhile...

have been going out so much at nite that i have not much time to be online!

haha.. it has been Work - Go Out - Sleep Awhile - Work - Go Out - Sleep Awhile. lolzz

but it's really enjoyable! love yA ppl!

Celebrated V day on 12th Feb 2009. Did so many 1st things lolzz.. paiseh siaaaa! lolzz~

so tireddd.. it's friday the 13th! lolz.. but today at work so far so smooth leh.. lolzz..

but gotta go back office continue testing equipment on Sat! OMG! Back to office on Valentine's day! haha... after finish tink stay inside office play afew games with the rest then go camp at home alreadyz! hahaz.

Hate going out on V Day.... See all the couples around... only gek myself nia... lolz.

hate my home

2009-01-25T11:13:00.002+08:00

ArGh!

I HATE STAYING AT HOME.

My blood boils everytime i stay at home. That's y i prefer to go out all the time instead.

Ytd i spent like half a day packing my table.. and i packed the next 2 tables as well (1 i use to put modem & router & the other is my com table).

Pack till damn swee ok. even my mum also stun.

Guess what. today morning i wake up. my table is in a total mess. My sister, who happened to be packing when i was sleeping, was so nice to take all the stuff that didn't belong to her, and dumped it on my table.

Now it's in a fucking mess. #$%@$!

DAmmnit.

a new year awaits

2009-01-06T04:39:00.005+08:00

Ha!! It's the start of a new year! and still dear diary, u, is still being neglected by me.

Lemme recall what had been going on since the last entry...

Projects are now many many completed! but~ i got new things to do -.-!! but well, that's work.
Still Pending tasks:
1. LSMS (Sadly thrown 1 side)
2. Jumpboard2 access list checking
3. Backend eigrp test plan & testing phase
4. Dedicated Colocation migration

Oh well.. Oh well.. I learn gd stuff though..

Basically almost 'slacked' the whole 2 weeks of Christmas & New Year's Day. Not much mood to work... had to work only like 3.5days per week. shiok ah!

Never really went out much.. Went out that day (forgot which day), went to eat then by chance, bought a really nice shirt for my officer's wedding.
On the 25th, went to her wedding.. so nice la! They got sing song somemore! karaoke! then they had a macbook that was always on. GUESS WHAT! They are doing LIVE WEBCAM for my officer's ahma at home who is not well enough to attend the wedding! OMG SO TOUCHING LA!

After the wedding, was quite free. no1 jio go out countdown or anything.. so just go home lo.. sad rite hahaa... wanted to go watch movie with frens.. but tink tink abit.. all feel too damn ex to watch on a PH...

and after that slack at work hahaa.. holiday mood!

Next comes Dec 31. I dont know i got a bad ending for 2008 or a bad start for 2009 man.
I had a very nicely planned schedule.
9am -1pm : Work
2pm - 5.30pm : Reach home rest sleep eat
5.30pm - 9pm : Grandma Bday dinner @ Chinatown
9pm -12.30am : meet up with des & frens for countdown
1am - End : meet peng & cookiez for chilling out

Swee rite! haha. Closely packed.

31st Dec was half-day for all. so 1pm = PAck go home! but but but but... 12pm... got an onsite call.. omg shit man~ on standby duty... so.. DAMN. have to go down.. onsite visit timing set at 3pm.. went home rest awhile nia.. go out to customer site already.. from then on.. life goes downhill~ super arrogant customer already sian 1/2.. then we die die cant solve the issue.. headache even more...

Singtel test this test that.. say ok leh.. i arrange for router change at 5.. then after router change... tmd still cannot! siao liao.. recall back Singtel... but due to late timing + off-office hrs.. must recall ppl back to work sia... sians.. and to top it all up, I have to go Chinatown for my grandma bday dinner! OmG sia!

So clever me, set the appointment of the End-to-End test at 9pm! so i had time to rush off to Chinatown, meet my grandma, grab abit food, and rush back to customer office. Reached there.. take afew pics.. then eat 2 dish.. the cold dish & peking duck. then i had to rush back to customer site liao.. The cold dish was terrible.. yucks.. duck was slightly better..
at 8.30pm, i cabbed back to customer office. lucky chinatown sooo many free cabs sia.. was still worrying if can get cab bo.. Reach back the office at 9pm.. then start the test with the poor singtel guys..

Test test test... this cant that cant.. omg omg. time ticks...
then... bloody shit.. it went past 12am! it only freaking ended at 5.30AM!
OMG SIA. TOTALLY ALL PLANS SCREWED.
I am so sorry to liwan, des, peng, cookiez & the rest of friends la!
Was the 1 who asked them got activity or not yet i am not there...
Work sucks... but what to do.. this is my line, this is my job..

The only consolation i got was meeting Des and the rest at McD when i was hungry and went out for a bite.. a short 30mins though.. then i had to go back work..

Thanks Peggy for listening to my whining on NY Eve. Thanks la sister!

After that went home.. slept the rest of 1st Jan away..

on 2nd Jan, tink god really ncie to us.. Outage! 1st day of 'Open Work' (Kai Gong) already kanna 1x big outage.. sian 1/2 siaaa...

Alas, now to yesterday!
Took half day.. then went to buy CNY clothes!
I total need like 3 shirts.. 1 jeans.. 1 shoes (jeans & shoes optional) but shirts are confirm must buy.. managed to get 1 nice shirt.. plus the 1 for the xmas eve de.. i already have 2 shirts le.. maybe wanna buy a couple more shirts & a pair of jeans..

it's 4.40am now. had been super super tired just now.. hell of a standby week.. shagged. and i dunno why i have been sitting here for the past 30min typing this when i sincerely needed sleep. and i woke up was to drink water only.. haha...

Got plenty to do this yr! should get my license soon.. then can go drive around singapore..
That is gonna be so fun..

Ha! tink i better go slp already! or else later sure ko at work!

忽然很想你
我的心天天在等你
给我未完成的记忆

a mth a mth!

2008-12-11T13:10:00.002+08:00

it's been a mth! a mth a mth!

haha sorry poor diary. had been a lil busy at work..
Recently i am very guai ok. i never go out much le lo.. guai guai at home. hehe no la! watching taiwan serials lolx~

been catching on the taiwan serials that I've missed out...

Had been rushing quite abit of projects.. Several of which are already completed & the remaining within the final stages of completion..

Except for my lsms server. NB.. just cant get that new server to work~ still trying hard though.

mmm.. officer getting married on 24 Dec! gonna attend! but need to buy a new shirt to attend her wedding.. mmm...

hectic few weeks coming up! Appraisal, project deadlines, planning for next yr project, xmas, countdown etc!

Crazily awaiting AWS!!! MONEY MONEY! :D

sleepless

2008-11-11T05:12:00.001+08:00

siao liao... my body clock auto tuned for 6hr sleep.. unless on weekend maybe sleep 8hrs.. normal day i cannot sleep over 6hr sia... automatically will wake up 1...

like now lidat lor. 10.30 sleep. 4.30 wake liao.. very sleepy but die die just cannot sleep.
so come out on com.. maybe watch show or wat la.. lolz.. rot awhile tired go back sleep. lolz~

pangs of jealousy

2008-11-10T03:44:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Feel so gek..

Felt so jealous! Even though it was all an act...

arghhhhh.....

kan pua sian... every other guy out there is better than me sia.
mE say rich not rich, say handsome not handsome, say daring not daring, say sweet not sweet, say attentive not attentive.

no wonder after so long, although jio charbo numbers 1 hand can count.. still no result at all. bleahs...

zhen mei yong...

clumsy me

2008-11-02T04:52:00.003+08:00

sigh..
i feel i am so useless so stupid..

lyrics of 3 songs. i spent so much time to listen to it..
Printed the lyrics out to know the words lor...
yet i cannot even remember it when asked.

sigh..

THESE 3 SONGS CANT PUT ME DOWN!
I WILL MEMORISE THEM! ROAR!

23rd bday!

2008-10-26T05:52:00.003+08:00

I just turned 23! older and older again.

age physically but the brain is still damn childish though.

Thanks to all who spent their time with me the whole day!

thanks for all the greetings, esp the bunch of BO XIM EH CHARBO at Chai Chee. hehehe

reunion with my old buddies too! hahaz.

Made a single bday wish this yr. it's not for myself though. hope it does come true.

Tired but brain is still awake. took cab home just now, everyone knocked out in the cab! lolz!
i like the long walk back home from my fren house.
I walk slowly.. listening to mp3.. and pondering over things. if only this & if only that haha...

*Perhaps the last piece of your puzzle lies deep within yourself*

nightmare with a full stomach

2008-10-13T04:43:00.003+08:00

it's monday!

haha.. and i'm awake at 4.40am. yea.
server got some issues at 3+.. so the duty engineer gave me a wakeup call.
seems ok now though.. before i sleep i write in u my dear diary. aint i good? =P

Ate a little too full just now.. not supposed to eat too full due to still recovering from previous gastric attack.. but well, eaten already. and i'm fine!
clever enough to drink 1 glass of orange juice help to digest the food! hahaz.

but going to sleep with a full stomach is bad... like the previous couple of times, got nightmares sia! aiyo~ still remember vaguely the details.. argh..

well ok. short post. gotta sleep. gonna wake up very soon for work though. tink i sure +_+ already.
Cold's gone, Cough's not that common other than caused by phelgm only. Only thing bad is still my clogged nose. always get cloggedd~~~

gastric..

2008-10-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

darn..... just had the worst gastric attack ever....

pain was unbearable sia.. nbz.. starting still ok.. when start to pain, went to watsons popped 3 antacids.. then felt alot better....

who knew.. 9+.... the pain came back, many many times worse... i could barely walk normally.. sitting down was no better.

wish it happened some other day instead... but it happened today!
Organiser kanna gastric and pangseh-ed everyone BEFORE the gathering even started. and Somemore.. the worst part happened infront of ..... *sigh*
so paiseh lor....

lucky peng knew some acupoint thingy.. he press already the pain did subside sia... lolz..
but his fingers must have been damn painful too.

Wanted to hail a cab but there was simply tooo long a queue... so i took the mrt back instead.. tink it's faster lor.. now i've reached home and feeling alot better.. tink most of the gastric has subsided liao.. only minor little attacks that are very bearable.

Sorry to Avalyn, Meifang, Alan, Peng & Melvin for pangsehing last min.
Though u all will never see this post, but i'm regretful that i cant join u all :(
u all must be having so much fun..
NEXT TIME K? Next time i sure will be gd and ready!

nice

2008-10-07T01:30:00.004+08:00

Saw this nice quote from my buddy's gf blog.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...

The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her..."

nong nong

2008-10-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

It's been months!

haha! work has been bz bz bz. esp since my manager & asst manager both in reservist.. server guy doing his server crap (aka zuo bo), my senior handling cheem projects.. so all the little stuff.. workorders, troubleshooting, commissioning, provisioning, suspension, termination, upgrades... all come to me le...

After work, = hang out with my frens. really enjoyable.. be it supper, rot, chill.. watever. it's always nice & funny..

work is neverending, pay is never increasing, food/entertainment is never decreasing.

hahah.. my dear diary! u have become my grumbling board! haha...

*missing iceskating!* (Jurong East Rink gonna close on 16 Oct 2008 :(

another 20days

2008-08-30T18:17:00.007+08:00

Another 20 days before i updated u again my dear diary!.

u have to understand the following:
1. ur owner here is getting more and more lazy.
2. been busy at work.
3. been going out more often & enjoying it.

was promoted on 13 August a week ahead of schedule and then thrown alot of things to learn.
So happy la! promoted to backend! A WHOLE NEW WORLD of things to learn. a totally new environment i should say.

straight away that morning, kanna 'whack' already. bombarded with so much knowledge!!
Access to the servers & routers were totally opened up to me. From only limited read access, to full write access! so many info became available to me! shuang..

but had to learn alot alot of stuff!! how to do this how to do that, how to commission this how to provision that. Seniors all giving me crash course.. basically guide me 1 time, then i go do for customer already. lolz...

Recently also a massive influx of new leased line connections, so i naturally volunteered (and got asked to go as well) & got to go so many many onsites (onsites: go to customer office for troubleshooting or installation)

Onsites are soo fun! that is where ur skills are fully put to use. You're the only 1 there and u just gotta make the connection work!
Plus! it's at least several hours away from office haha..
This week has been doing standby duty. lucky not many many problems lolx

Still alot more things to learn! both at work and in life!

Aside, ICE SKATING ON 27/8/2008!
ABSOLUTELY FUN & ENJOYABLE!

1st time ice-skating! specially took leave on that day!
Was raining that day though. freaking cold when we entered.
Well, i overslept on that day.. (6.30AM kanna woken up due to attack on network)
supposed to meet at 1.30pm.. but i woke at 1.30pm instead lolz...
we all met up at 2.10pm lidat... 4 of us together. take the group package cheaper.
$60 for 4 ppl, no time limit, no skate rental charge. $15-skate-as-long-as-u-like. worth it lol.

Started off shivering & 'paralyzed' on the ice haha... after awhile got used to it and starting to skate freely~ so fun~
Skated from 2.15pm to 6.30pm lolz... so fun~~~

Buddy Desmond & mE on icE!

Group Peekture!

lolz

2008-08-10T13:18:00.002+08:00

dum dee dum..

it's been weeks if not months that i last posted in u dear diary haha..

life has been busy.. but i'm not moving on much..

study abit here and there & suppers..

Work = teaching new guys.. going onsite (go customer office troubleshoot).. either kept rotting or super busy haha.

slated for promotion to backend engineer (w/o payraise T_T) on 18 Aug..
more things to learn :) a wholee new worlddd~

Loving suppers and Cafe Cartel more & more~

oH yEa... RSAF Open House 2008 is coming :)
http://www.mindef.gov.sg/rsaf/oh08/

oops

2008-07-02T20:54:00.002+08:00

lol poor diary..
i wanted to update u but that time when i remembered, blogger was having it's maintenance.. haha..

the days have past so fast... and i am sooo busy~~ new guys coming in.. train train & train~~ basically teaching lessons everyday. with the occasional mc of the shift guys then i have to take over their shift.. sucks.

life is sooo busy... i dun even have much time for myself.. most of it spent on sleeping or gaming haha...

my toe is still bruised below the nail.. so no rollerblading for the time being :(

bz bz bz~

enjoyment

2008-06-08T22:20:00.003+08:00

oh i'm so sorry dear diary....
haven been updating u.. yea..

work has been busy.. yea...

within this period of 2-3weeks lidat.. I've been doing things that i never did before haha..
i went double O.. went for supper with neighbours.. went rollerblading at East Coast.. went to play pool..

Went to double O Anniversary.. Free Entry hehehe.. go inside dance dance slack slack... got a freaking headache after that though..

Then i went with my colleague benny go town shopping haha.. GSS! i needa get a pair of shoe cos my shoe gonna spoil real soon.. gotten a pair of adidas canvas shoes & ate at Suki Sushi hahas. but very sad cos my kani inari never came at all despite ordering it 3 times...

Hmm.. what else did i do... i got go for suppers with neighbours in Jurong area.. then we went to play pool.. super long never play pool le sias...

I worked 83hrs this week.. Fri - Fri.. then add in ot.. 83hrs yea..
super shag too..

then yesterday i watched.. "The Longest Yard" on axn... sigh.. then felt emo again le.. so many memories..... sigh.. if only if only...

at nite fren jio go east coast park rollerblade.. couldn't blade in the morning/afternoon cos raining.. at nite east coast park got the wind blow blow.. so the paths are generally not that wet.. we blade so far sia.... but i, being the noob, fell very often.. and a couple of bad falls on my back.. jialat..

so yea... now i'm happy but in pain lol.. back pain.. muscle ache.. etc lol..

tmr gotta work work~~

bzz

2008-05-22T01:30:00.002+08:00

Work again has been busy as usual.

got niao by my boss for putting a "negative thought about my job" on msn.

bleahs.

they say there will be changes. hopefully so. meanwhile i keeping a lookout for jobs also.
tink at most at most.. spend like 2yrs nia... like not much future in the company also.. but maybe maybe... perhaps when the company evolve, it may be different.

the weather is so hot nowadays! but workplace has always been so cold... the past 3 nites had been bone-chilling. esp on my knees. could really feel the cold on my knee joints... dunno y the aircon become soooo cold... but now at home it's super hot la...

but today wake up like 7pm.... waited till buey tahan.. then went for a shower at 10! superrr shiok ah! but come out 5min only... hot again =.=!!

it's only may.. and the weather is already so hot.. in the coming mths, it's gonna be even hotter!

oh yeaaa~ it's 22nd may! 1 more week to payday :D
3more weeks to pc show! my 1TB HDD~

bzzzzzzzzzz

2008-05-13T22:36:00.003+08:00

Ha! I realise my average blog time is 10 days per entry! haha..

work has been... @$@%^! BUSY!

after the previous post... then i got 3 off day mah... most of them basically spent on sleeping.. dunno y super tired.. can sleep like 16hrs already.. then wake up... then go to slp again 2hrs later..

now i am shift again. MON TUE WED. the 3 freaking busiest day of the week.... Yesterday busy but manageable. TODAY?!?! MY COLLEAGUE CHUT STUNT. MC! NABEH! and there was no replacement for him!!! today i jitao work from 8am straight non-stop to 7pm, which i got a short time to relax and have a chat. Today happen so fucking nice... so many customer call i take... got so many unreasonable 1! WTH SIAA~ basically today i keep hearing "Junwen! Call for u!" then xfer to my extension then my phone ring ring and ringgggg.....

Even freaking lunch also have to tapao.. so that the 2 new ppl can go OUT to eat.
tapao still ok.... eat in office... eat halfway! PHONE RING. STOP EATING, HANDLE CALL. so my half-eaten pack of chicken cutlet rice is just left there. so many call come that i keep have to handle... UNTIL THEY CAME BACK FROM EATING LUNCH OUTSIDE. after they freaking come back le I STILL HAVEN'T EAT FINISH MY LUNCH.

nabeh.. should start playing mc liao lor.. super dulan... dun see others tapao at all other than my manager... he ke lian yes. but he got high pay leh... i paid peanuts... have to do so many work.. even have to sacrifice my meal time....

seriously tinking of switching a job liao lor.....

=(

2008-05-03T07:28:00.001+08:00

bad news... the new girl that is supposed to tag me just tendered on that 1st day of night shift.

So there are now short of manpower for level1 & so.. my promotion has been delayed till the next-newest-person can take over me... argh...

sucks lor... nabeh.. all my plans kanna push back... basket basket!

but ok la.. this nite shift i was quite slack.... most of the time sleeping away...

kanna gastric attack... thought was hungry that's y eat more.. in the end is due to overeating.. too much gastric juice then ko-ed.... lucky antacids helped... but that was nearly 2hrs after i consumed 1. hate gastric... bleahs..

my mum bought the dvd, D-Wars, for me. watched it just now while testing the new batch of routers... quite nice sia... though it looked like a cheap flick & the movie is so short...

Start of off days! gonna have to jog.. have to study.. tonite yh asking me out.. is either go drink or go blade.. but drinking i dunno leh.. just recover from gastric attack.. stomach very sensitive....

later then say ba.. it's 7.30 le! 30mins to freedom! start doing my reports le. keke.

24

2008-04-30T08:05:00.000+08:00

this week had been a rather hectic week for me yea...
was rather busy at work. dayshifts are hectic as ever. then there's even more things i needa do...

but got gd news haha... i finished downloading season 1-5 of 24 ahaha... downloading season 6 now... that show is GREATTT... if it ever comes out on dvd, i'll buy it for sure haha..

watched abit of it when i woke up just now at like.. 4am... superrr nice la!!!!

tonite's my last shift.. it's night shift... haha... from next tue onwards, i will be working 9-6 mon-fri. more work, less pay. =(
sucks... somemore tonite the new lady they hired gonna tag me. got nothing to teach. just gonna relax and enjoy the rest of my supposedly relaxing night shift.

=]

ok i'm tired... time to go slp and later wake for tonite's start of the night shift.

lolx

2008-04-20T18:00:00.002+08:00

Long time since i posted.

over the last 10 days. Orientation 1 day, work 3 days, 1 day shoppin, 1 day rest 1 day go out 1day ot 3days shift work haha.. shiok rite!

nite nite nite... then slp.. then work ot 1 day.. then go out.. then continue 3 day shift.

Now that the temperature in my noc has dropped (guess the aircon ppl lowered it), i found 2 gd frens!

Fren number 1! The water dispenser! BOILING HOT WATER! HURHUR! Next to endless supply of HOT WATER!! hehe. Can be used to fill water bottle for a instant warm-pack.

Fren number 2! The hand-dryer in the toilet! Since my throat was not feeling well, i drank alot water... so keep having to go toilet... after go toilet wash hand.. as the weather nowadays is damn cold.. plus the reduced temperature in the noc.. the tap water feels warm.. but with water on hands feel even colder... so i went to dry my hands.. the hot air rebounded off my hands onto my jacket.. shiok sia.. the warm feeling lol.... luckily the dryer is put on a rather high place... so the air could be diverted easily onto my body with angled palms.

lolx... so that's how i keep myself warm haha...

I gotten notice from my boss. i gonna be out of the shift already.. "Promoted" with paycut.. (no more shift allowance). Doing Mondays - Friday 9AM-6PM. mm.. i gonna just go home exactly at 6 lor haha...

Lotsa stuff to do now... gotta configure the pabx for office.. arrange seating plan for the noc.. and take on additional duties as well. Expected to be super busy ba haha... then got the ISO & CCNA courses planned for to attend.... then still got degree to study~

haha... hope i can cope with the stress & workload.. hahas.

=)

2008-04-10T04:50:00.002+08:00

lolx.. been 10day since i update u my dear diary..

Work has been busy busy and busy.. been taking on more & more stuff.

So yea.. can say I'm actually progressing in work..

haha... studying for ccna.. pass le the prepare go for degree..

never play much games... but still surprised that my fren ask me to join his team in the game tourney.. haha.. okays....

friday still have to go back for orientation.. kan sians lor.. listen thing so long.. hope my colleague can wake me up hahahaha...

no exercise

2008-03-31T02:09:00.002+08:00

OoPsIe... last day of my off le... still haven go run yet lolx.. always either sleep or eat... then got spend half a day to play game also... lucky i got spend some time to study also haha.. arbo waste 4 days of off le...

fixed my fren's fren's macbook just now.... then keep sleeping the whole day.. i tink i sleep 1 side... now abit stiff neck... abit cant turn right side lol...

dum dee dum... i wanna go slp now~~ but too awake lol.. tink afternoon sleep too much..

Shag

2008-03-28T06:23:00.003+08:00

This is the 4th night already...

Super uber shag... but cant get to sleep much..

Didn't have to do the routers anymore.. the newcomer helped to load the ios images already...

So everything's fine now...

I did a very stupid thing just now.. dont wanna talk about it...

I've decided to concentrate on my work & studies..

This weekend.. I will go out for my long-awaited exercise.. bones are creaking aches are coming...
then i will continue to study... prep for my CCNA.. which after that, a degree.

The road ahead is tough, but i will survive and prevail..

Routers Routers Routers

2008-03-26T07:53:00.003+08:00

Ahhh~~

Got routers routers and more routers to do~~

haha... suppose to be free at night shift.. but suddenly pop up... need to check the IOS version and some things the version must support...

sway sway dio the sway 1. the current version on the router cannot support the HWIC card~~ siao liao ahh~~~ all gan cheong liao... we downloaded several versions but cannot work leh..

so we keep test test lo.. keep loading and loading all the IOS versions... until finally! at 3am!~ I got the correct 1~ finally the HWIC card can be detected!!! lolx... after loading the ios.. then do testing etc... confirm is working! shiok ah.. continue to do more routers.. until the 5th 1.... the flash mem got problem 1... try loading the ios image via tftp keep have error... and error occurs at 86% transfer.. which is like... 10-20mins wasted... i retry retry for 2hrs+.. pek cek. dont want to play le... put aside and rest and prepare my shift reports...

Sigh~ my linksys wireless router cannot tahan my bittorrent lolx... mayb should borrow a Cisco 877 from my boss.. then bring home use... lolx!!!

but for now.. download anime / taiwan show must disconnect the wireless =(

never blog

2008-03-24T02:35:00.003+08:00

ahaha... i never blogged for so long!! but should be long post~

haha... my macbook was off for repair in an hurry... and i forgot the pw to my blogger acct~~
now my macbook is back.. but got abit of problems... >_< the old hdd, which contains all my data & some of my study notes, when put into the new macbook, windows crashed~~

now bo bian have to use a new hdd for the macbook.. then have to reinstall everything~
have to install Mac OS Leopard.. then partition hdd for windows with bootcamp.. then install windows xp... then install bootcamp drivers... then patch windows... then install antivirus.. and programs etc...

split it over 2days to do...

haha... went out with liwan on saturday.. haha... go bugis 4 Horse Street temple pray pray (ahaha!! i got pray also 1 lo).. then after that went simlim... i bought a wireless router! haha FINALLY! then we went walk walk haha.. saw cindy jie with yean.. lol... had a fun time on sat. ok i admit i was a lil bit naughty hehehe... we had a really happy time, well for me i felt it was happy haha.. and we saw the ipod touch at wheelock! omg! it's nice la! too bad i got no money to get it also.. haha.. but getting it will be wasting my money also.. rather save the money for my studies.

So far my wireless working fine... keke... QoS seem to work pretty well... i spent some time slowly configuring it de lo.. signal-wise not bad.. some blind spots get 4 bars.. or else it's 5 bars all around the house.. lolx..

sunday = slack slack slack.. sleep till 2+++ then wake up haha... just rot there... wanted to watch jurassic park on channel 5.. but my mum wanted to watch the SPOP concert.. so nvm lo... i go rot...

Monday~ work nite! 4days! Study time haha...

cannot be bothered

2008-03-14T23:33:00.003+08:00

Freaking shag la!

the past 4 days have been terrible. have been working my brain off like mad... so many things to do... not enough rest..

I worked 3 night shifts and left for home on monday 8am... then the next day, tuesday, work 8am. freaking disruptive to my sleep ok? then tue - fri 8am - 8pm.

tue wed still ok... alot of thing but can endure... thurs is really the killer..
my colleague fuckingg $%@$#. stuck at customs cannot come back to singapore. WTF PASSPORT LEFT IN KL!?!

so i fucking solo-ed the whole fucking day. somemore suddenly an explosion of things to do. do this do that..... really is do till blur... lucky the level2 engineers and my managers help to settle.. or else i tink i will just die there la.

today also work like siao.... heng got benny around... he handle quite alot of the load... basically.. today i'm just wasted la... super seh... was late for work today.. lucky benny cover for me...

so much work today. somemore 2 meetings.. almost dozed off during the meeting.

i really very mentally exhausted already... i really cannot be bothered about alot of thing le.. Customer unhappy? not my problem. Important customer must resolve the problem fast? Wait and queue up to my list of outstanding problems. Urgent? Ya i got alot other urgent stuff too.

So if u're one of the people i bothered about, then pls count urself lucky.

Cos i cannot say that i am in a good mood either. Basically sleep routine disrupted. work neverending. pressure building up. work piling up. no free time for my own stuff. barely touched games. additional workloads... bla bla bla...

now i'm taking on the scheduled maintenance stuff and the iso thingy.. and the idd line reset.. tink new staff coming sure i am the one to train them... then we are taking on IDD/voice support too.. really start feeling the stress already. somemore all these is ontop of my regular duties..

sigh. cannot be fucking bothered.

enlightened

2008-03-10T01:28:00.003+08:00

After tinking for 2hrs, i tink i finally enlightened myself.

I know what to do in the future already.

no time should be further wasted pondering. time should be put to better use, like enriching oneself and working towards the better future.

People come and go, but friends are forever.

shag

2008-03-09T07:00:00.002+08:00

oh gosh.. 1hr to go... i'm really really very very tired... i dozed off several times tonite already...

my colleague today called me at 3.30pm... so yea... i got like less than 4hrs of sleep... after that cannot go back to sleep... i slept all the way to work in the bus! super tired can!

Tonite the workplace is soooo coldddd!!!! even the guard complain is cold.. perhaps it's raining outside, we dont know.. cos we got no windows here..

Basically, now i'm cold & tired... like those ke lian puppies... wan hughug <(^^)>

i tink i'll collapse on the bus journey back home... super tired can!

sigh

2008-03-08T03:25:00.000+08:00

i just feel bored.. i just feel tired.. i just feel frustrated...

nothing goes well at all..

Sucks.

A cisco router command that i cannot remember.. sigh..
a damn Speedtouch 546v6 router that is a piece of crap...

gotta test 3 new "lousy-looking" models of routers... and submit a report by end of sunday shift..
freaking busy schedule next week no thanks to my colleague returning to malaysia for election & to attend a wedding.

+ some other stuffs that i dun wish to say out...

maybe i've been looking at things too seriously... should try to look at things in a lighter mood.. so that i can stop stressing myself..

sometimes really hard to keep things within oneself.. when things go too much too many.. just need a vent. lucky got my dear diary haha...
lucky it isn't a book... or else i might have torn it to pieces in frustration...

super sian and bored and moodless now.. where are people! where are the people~ is there any soul awake at 3+!?!?!

Sigh. (I'm just bitching. really bored, sian and dulanz, no1 is alive at this point of time)

study

2008-03-07T03:10:00.002+08:00

of backaches and knee pains, i'm studying! hahas... but nothing unbearable.. wan to play blade with a lack of exercise is lidat 1 haha.. blame ownself for slacking after ord...

now study the trial test till page 162 le! realised i quite weak in the switches side.. vlan.. vtp. stp.. all this not that zai... must revise more in this area...

haha.. someone said the following bout me.
1. simple minded
2. keep things to himself
3. wants ppl around him to be happy

ppl who are so wu xim to read my diary, what do u tink? lOlx..

blading!

2008-03-06T21:52:00.002+08:00

Yesterday went Queenstown buy my skates.. cost me 207 dollars~~ heart pain heart pain... gotta eat foodcourt everyday to save $$ lol.. gotta scrimp and save..

after that went yh's house to blade... fell quite frequently... and always either land on my knee or my butt... but not bad... know how to blade abit le.. *scratches butt*

yeps... today blade again.. starting totally forget how to blade... actually is never tie properly.. so cannot blade well.. then after that tie better le.. can blade le.. not long later... i blade blade.. got "krak krak krak sound"... omg lol... chua dio... tink one of the wheels is loose when we removed the brake yesterday.. now reached home le.. then tighten liao.. hopefully next time bo krak sound...

today fell alot of times sia~ got land on knee land on butt... then after that my knee had a crack sound.. starting is ok.. now jialat.. knee abit weak..

now all the aches start coming... my back.. my knee my hand, leg... +_+!

but still, I like to blade~~

leapyear

2008-02-29T13:32:00.002+08:00

[1.30PM]

This year is 2008! Leap Year!

haah! there's a movie released on this day. "Leap Years". really should just watch for this day.. instead of watching on some other days.

later going watch! hahaz.

busy month coming on! basically we're gonna work our ass off cos 1 of my colleagues going reservist..

intermittent sleep

2008-02-28T05:46:00.003+08:00

Experiencing intermittent sleep!

sleep afew hr wake afew hr sleep afew hr!

got play abit game.. then study abit..

anyway, going to watch Leap Years on friday! booked the tix le!

Hmm.. i see Meet the Spartans & L: Change the world.. not bad sia...

Meet the spartans should be comedy ba.. worth a laugh haha..
wonder if desmond they all gonna go watch or not haha..

just did a check.. the pay still not in.. =(

tink go slp le.. dunno wat time will wake later.

sleepy

2008-02-26T01:10:00.007+08:00

today damn shiok la!

go work sleepy sleepy.. both of us were eating sweets to stay awake...

we were working non-stop la~ things just keep coming and coming and coming! there were already nearly 40 cases at the start of the day... then it's a monday.. so there's alot alot more problems...

this and that, this and that.. basically me & my colleague were working our balls off... all our msn blinking.. phone ring... basically no time to even see or read la.... sorry to let u wait so long just to recieve 1 sms from me...

tink i didn't do enough warmup and use the wrong muscles to support my body weight.. now back super pain...

pain3

2008-02-25T05:56:00.002+08:00

[6AM]

my mum said everything will be ok after a sleep.

now i woken, despite being unable to sleep much of the night. everything is still bad.

Why does everything bad come to me all at 1 go?? cant there be something nice?

problems i do not tell people doesn't mean i have only that few problems.

i just need a little breathing space.

pain2

2008-02-24T10:40:00.000+08:00

[10.40AM]
I feel like crying, but a man shouldn't drop tears. even if cry, must cry within the heart..

I feel like talking to u.. but i dunno how to start...

the msn window has been open for sometime... but i just cant find words to type in...

pain

2008-02-24T08:09:00.003+08:00

[8.09AM]
Wo de xing hen tong... neng xiang shui shuo.....

i'm afraid of making a decision that i will regret in the future.

pain again

2008-02-22T02:00:00.001+08:00

I'm awake I'm awake!

today 8+, finally get to go home le... endured the whole painful journey back home... sigh..

Reached home faster eat 1 antacid... not bad sia... the effect is nice... bathe le.. ate lunch... then sleep le...

Dad woke me up at 5.50pm.. to go out eat.. super shag.. stomach feeling better but not entirely well.. Went to a restaurant to eat... my mum dun eat fish... so i helped her eat her portion of Sweet & Sour Thai Fish... (Hey~ i exchanged my portion of abalone with her lor!).. After eating 2 portions of the sweet & sour thai fish.. GG liao... gastric straight away hit me big... did not even touch the mee that was in the menu la.. super food wastage...

heng my dad had antacid in his car... take 1 feel alot better... actually suppose to buy a dvd player for my mum as her bday prezzie.. but they scrapped the plan bcos i kanna gastric.. so we went home.. i quickly took a quick bath and collapsed on the bed.. from exhaustion & pain.. so i slept till now~ haha...

wake up check email... sian dio shoot email... bleahs... work is getting boring also... saw the revised schedule for March due my colleague reservist.. Super tight working period la..

Seems like everyone is very sian at work already... can see the attitude all cannot be bothered kind... all the 9-6 ppl all leave on the dot lo.... sigh...

gastric

2008-02-21T02:42:00.002+08:00

i dont know what happened.. but i'm having a gastric attack right now...

lucky i manage to finish most of my work before it started to hurt..
only left packing the configured routers back into the box...

for the past 1hr i have been just lying there in the chair in pain.
i got no mood to do anything... and i never brought my gastric medicine along..

hate it whenever my gastric strikes..

what to do.. endure ba... 5hr15mins to go...

shag

2008-02-20T05:49:00.003+08:00

super sian now...

time is passing by veryyy slowly today...

busy till roughly 10+ lidat then i ate my dinner... didn't buy any other food... should jian fei haha.. but now really quite hungry.. took some snacks from my locker to eat lol... fattening again..

now i doing those trial test questions... yea..

just now study until sian.. go play like 30min of game... go in, chat with frens, battle abit.. then feel sian.. back to tak cek.. until now lo.. dunno y.. nowadays dun feel like playing much game... got time either is sleep or study..
now is.. 2hrs 10mins to go! to end of 2nd night...

tink tmr nite got thing to do again... so perhaps will be free by 3+ lidat.. then tak cek again...

Everything seems so boring to me.. eating is boring.. play game is boring.. work is boring..
Oh well, Sleeping has always been nice. Studying seems to interest me more nowadays... lolx... i do the trial test.. not bad wor.. up to now.. most of it i understand and get correct answer wor! keke.

KAMBATAE~ i will take and pass the test~

"A fireworks in the darkness will light up the sky brightly for only a couple of seconds, but that few mere seconds is enough for a everlasting memory" - Junwen

sighh

2008-02-19T03:39:00.002+08:00

Busy Night. Finally now i have abit of rest time.

But sometimes i do love busy nights... keeps me occupied.. sometimes working is fun too.

Something happened. yea.
I screwed up again.

ya.. i'm disappointed. yes. in myself.

I'm gonna rest and relax awhile. before i go tak cek le.

1st step

2008-02-18T04:11:00.006+08:00

okays. the notebook cooler seems to be working fine.. managed to lower the heat abit..

Couldn't sleep. so i went to study... so now i can happily say that i have finished reading the entire cisco book! haha.. so tmr nite.. when i on shift.. after doing my assigned work.. i shall start on doing all the trial tests.... the 2nd step to my CCNA! whoopee!

On the way to Popular bookstore to buy book-wrapping paper for my mum, i saw this McKal USB Phone charger... quite unique haha... so i just bought it... my nokia charger use 2 days spoilt... then keep have to borrow my sister's.. so now i have a usb de charger.. incase my sis dun lend me, i still have backup! haha.. but the charger i tink super weak la... i let it charge many hours le... still not yet full charge...

Hmm.... how do u cheer up a girl up?? i tink tink tink... still dunno how leh... there's only that few ways only... i'm a block of wood -.-!!!

I once saw a very nice quote from 933 DJ Peifen's blog. (Tranlated for here by mE)

"If you're tired, slow down and take a rest. After you have rested enough, you can then continue your journey."

unlucky

2008-02-17T18:26:00.004+08:00

Sigh...

Sway Sway & Sway
today damn sway... 1st my cooler dies on me... 2nd my macbook internal fan is getting more faulty... then now my macbook battery is deformed... there's a bulge in the middle of the battery...

something like this:

did a search on the internet... seems like many other macbook users also face his problem... shucks..

sigh.... bad luck bad luck...

now have to spend money get a cooler & a battery... shucks...
hope my uncle can get me free replacement battery & fan haha...

damn sian.. really damn sian...

wootz

2008-02-16T04:54:00.002+08:00

[4.56AM]

Studied until 1+ then yh called me for loan.. suppose to be a meetup to pass the money & short talk-cock session then i go back study..

but a supposedly-short meetup became a 3hr talk.. haha..

he really matured alot le..

we talk alot la... and i really learnt alot from him la..

alot of things he said is quite true..

actually abit tired... but now reach home le.. super awake again...
will go play abit game.. then continue tak cek ba.. haha..

sigh

2008-02-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

[8.54PM]

I screwed up bigtime.. again..

i dunno man.. i'm really confused le...

What to do now? Tink of the good and forget the bad?

I guess i am really too selfish.

Godammit. Y after so long i still haven grown up..

Maybe i just need some time to chill, to sort out my thought & decide my future....

(I can picture Fate holding a sign "Gotcha!" in my mind)

but now, i going study le.
It's best to study when u are unhappy, bcos u will really concentrate.

contented

2008-02-15T00:12:00.004+08:00

[12:12AM]
Tonite i actually peeled my 1st prawn for someone other than my mum.. and i recieved a peeled prawn too. i am really really happy.

I am really really contented le... maybe there may not be a future, who knows, but i'm very well contented as it is le. What more can i ask for actually?

=)

tonite i shall sleep with a smile.

happy & sad

2008-02-14T23:17:00.002+08:00

Tonight i had a memorable night. the 1st time ever i went out with a girl on Valentines Day.

haha... A part of me is so so so happy but yet a part of me feels dejected.

Well, one cant ask for too much. Got abit already should be contented le. =)

talking bout my day, super tired la! i never sleep in the bus.. so i reached the office feeling super super shag... i tink i dozed off quite a couple of times in office.. haha.. finally off day! dunno got chance to go out or not haha... and it is time to tak cek also.. 3 days never tak cek le.

hais

2008-02-14T00:19:00.002+08:00

[12.41AM]
Hais.. i dunno i am a failure or wat...

I'm always making u sad... making u cry...
i really hate myself....

I dun wan this to start happening all over again.. dun wan.. the nightmare..

i guess i am too selfish ba.. i always cared about my own feelings, voicing out whenever i feel like it.. i didn't care about your feelings at all..

on a side note,
hmmm... i tinking of volunteering for OT.... today when we count the claims... we work 1 day OT, we can get around 100-150 bucks more... imagine 1mth do 2 days ot... that's 200 - 300 bucks more pay..... not bad... should consider asking for OT..

1st valentine's day

2008-02-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

Haha... Thank god... everything went rather smoothly i guess.

1st time celebrate vday lol...

also 1st time i give someone chocolates... haha..

maybe next time is roses le ba lol...

weee~

tmr gotta work le~ hais~

started praying

2008-02-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

[3.00PM]

haha... basically i just stone all the way on the bed la.. still headache...

until 12.45PM. seems like it's the 1st call ever for personal reasons..
haha... then miraculously managed to slp 2hrs lidat... so now awake & eaten le..

Booking is done.. I also started praying liao... pray for later everything shun shun haha.... very long never pray liao haha......

I just hope later everything goes along nicely.

pain

2008-02-11T08:38:00.000+08:00

[8.38AM]

Wo de xing hao tong...

shui hui dong....

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!

pain or no pain.. the sun will continue to shine, the world will continue to turn..

so Y DESPAIR!?! i told myself i wont despair anymore. NEVER AGAIN.

hell yea. i'm that strong. fear me.

(No matter how hard i try to slp now, i just cant go back to sleep... having headache now)

yep

2008-02-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

haha... today never sleep much..

went to changi airport to have lunch haha... actually wanted to see the aircrafts taking off de.. but that "sunshade" and the stupid blurrish glass made me lose my mood...

y did they put those crap stuff and dun let ppl see the aircraft taking off..

There's little things that special as watching an aircraft land/takeoff..

after seeing so many times in tengah airbase, i'm still like it haha...

after that went eunos to accomplish a special mission, but too bad failed due to a hp that was off. sigh.

Had a gd talk today nite... so i guess we all feel better le haha...

yawns. sleep time!

yawn

2008-02-09T03:42:00.001+08:00

I'm back home! and bathe finish le.. now waiting for hair to dry.

went to grandma house bai nian in the afternoon & went out with buddy desmond and rest to eski bar.

Today starting early in the morning quarrel with mum le... then after that she go find fault with the rest of the family... bleahss...

then at nite we went weijie house then go out... go holland V wanted to go wala-wala. but close =(
so we went to a near 1.. Eski bar... reach there 1AM they close at 2AM.

took a couple of pics.

Ordered some drinks.. + some finger food..

CHEERS!

Group Pic in the outside not so cold area.

x

Eski Bar outside (not cold part)

Now for the cool part which is their cold room:

Grp pic inside. (freezing hand on my neck.

Yep. We were here

ah. as i finish this, i already starting to doze off. hair also drying le. haha sleep time!

cant sleep

2008-02-08T03:56:00.000+08:00

OmG.. starting no mood sleep...

talk to buddy.. was gonna read abit online comic then go sleep...

but now...... the more i read, the more excited i get, then the more i cannot sleep... omg -.-!!!

cham liao la... 4am le.. basket..... so awake now.. tmr sure ko..

buddy

2008-02-08T00:59:00.000+08:00

Hey desmond buddy,

thanks for spending time talking to me though u had to go off early.

I feel alot better le haha..

Never ever regretted having u as a buddy. 10yr frenship really not fake de haha..

Well, at least i made sure of some things in my head. haha..

hopefully tmr we will meet up tmr night as planned then maybe get to have a nice long chat ba..
=)

work

2008-02-07T14:42:00.000+08:00

Blogging from workplace haha..

eating mac as i type this with 1 hand.

keke... just came back from onsite... customer say 12pm.. but i got the message was 11-12 specifically... reach there at 10.50... wait for her come.... 11.30 then start...

As i was waiting, i saw something really special.. like god was giving me a message.. i quickly took a pic of it.. when i look again... it's gone le.. will upload later. after that someone see 1st haha.

sibei siao on customer... cny still work.. haha.. troubleshoot awhile. found the problem lies with customer internal network. wee~

then help customer get a temporary solution 1st.. until she find her own it person settle~

then take cab (company sponsored) back to office and call mac delivery.. ex sia~~

back to eating~

xiexie ni for waking so early pei zhe wo even when it's cny. =D

hmm... as i look at my new watch, i realise i like more & more. keke... simple and nice. not cheap ok.. timex de $180 bucks..

happy cny

2008-02-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

Happy CNY to everyone~~~

weee~~ I am so happppyyyy~~~~ i see a light~~ i see a bright starrr~~~

=D =D =D =D =D =D

verryy happppyyyyyy!!! even though tmr i have to work & go onsite.

HAPPYYYY~~~~

workwork

2008-02-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

wOrK WoRk~

sians la. new year still have to work..

today supposed to leave at 8... but i struck a deal with my colleague. i today go off 2hrs early then he tmr come in 2hrs later lo...

tmr going onsite to customer place! song ah! da nian chu yi go onsite.. whole year go onsite~
hahaha... ok also la.. learn more experience... keke

-vinegar in the air, maybe my house split some- =P

..

2008-02-06T00:48:00.000+08:00

Maybe i shouldn't be blogging.. i dont know...

Just had a talk.. sorry bout being naggy. The rush of emotions came back.. memories all came fading back... hais. but now i ok le haha..

but anyway, hope i enlightened u. haha...

u are rite. the way to spell love is T-I-M-E. Cos time will prove how much u love someone.

true.. very true..

Saw a nice quote on a website:

"Put your fears and your past behind you and become lovable by being loving. Learn to trust by trusting yourself."

Very true indeed.

happy happy

2008-02-05T04:04:00.000+08:00

Today i was really like a pig... tink i slept till about 2.30PM then i woke up for lunch.. haha.. off-day mah... relac abit lo..

Meanwhile, in the evening, i did something i felt was very meaningful.. haha.. Though quite funny to be at changi airport trying to look for a person i never seen before with no knowledge of which flight number or flight time.

haha.. all we knew was that the flight is from there to here in the evening. then no more le.. haha.. There was a total of 3 flights in the evening.. 1 at T1, 1 at T2, 1 at T3. so yea. u can say we toured the arrival halls of all 3 terminals haha...

Huang Tian Bu Fu Ku Xing Ren. you saw her le haha...
at least we didn't waste the effort going there haha.
It's ok that you dun have the courage to say hi, dont have to feel sad bout it. at least u have the xing yi =)

guess u are sleeping right now.. (it's 4.30am, of course u are asleep, stupid me) hope u are sleeping with a smile. =)

hmm..

2008-02-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

hurhur! OFF DAY!!

slack abit but still must study!! for the ccna cert! for the future!

Suddenly forgot what i wanted to write... +_+!

mm.. no matter what, i will not give up easily de. Gd things are worth the effort & hardwork. we must jiayou together =)

I'm unromantic & boring. but yea. I'll try my best :P

sleepy

2008-02-03T05:01:00.001+08:00

This is it! Final night of the shift! Really Really Really tired.... and COLD!

Studied a couple of chapters tonite.. and i remembered how to calculate subnet mask le!
haha... i knew how to calculate it.. but i did not know that was the way to calculate it.. haha... stupid me...

gotten a little woozy at 3+... before i knew it.. i fell asleep le.. slept for 1hr.. ok de la... now can tahan all the way till 8 le. Can continue studying le.. haha.. Still abit tired... but a washup at the toilet + my newly bought "Warheads Juniors (Extremely Sour)" sweets, now quite awake le haha...

But it's reallly colddddddd here.... I turned off both aircon.. but seems the temperature is still around 16-18 degrees. Freaking cold... somemore outside temperature is low... inside even lower... that's 1 bad thing about working in noc.. things never get hot...
I'm busy drinking hot water and using my water bottle as a "warmer" as i type this...
But times like these, i would really like either a hug or a bowl of hot curry. brrrrrr..... COLD! *shivers*

Thanks for coming online to chat with me tonite..

touched

2008-02-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

Was pretty tired after doing some work and some studying...

Rested awhile and i recieved a very sweet sms at 3.43AM.

I'm really touched sia... noone has been so nice to me before..

So this is the feeling of being touched...

at the same time i'm feeling guilty also.. 3.43am leh...

Tonite i will study hard de! I promise!

tired

2008-02-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

Oh mans.. haha... today total knockout day....

i just close my eyes for a short while at around 6.40... then i slept~ till 7.30.. woken by a call... faster ciong finish reports..

i was like gonna die la~ walk out of the building like zombie lidat.. wait for bus nearly doze off...

in the bus... super knockout.. only woke once. cos the bus uncle shut off the bus engine and refuse to move when 1 of the passengers never tap the card... caused a little commotion.. i open my eyes look around, then go back slp lol... super tired... the next time i woke... is right at the stop i supposed to alight.. faster take bag seh seh alight...

reached home.. suppose to bath and take breakfast. then i just stopped for awhile and fell asleep lol.. mum woke me.. bath and eat... very fast.. tink bath + eat took less than 30-4omins... faster wipe the hair very very dry.. then went to slp... knocked out until 5+.. woken by a call from starhub.. regarding my internet connection...

so tired sia...

then go work.. Massive jam at the PIE... so basically.. the route i take super super jammed.. from jurong east there jam till Mount Alvernia there.. then no more car... i purposely left home early today... and even forgot to bring my dinner along as i was rushing... then sian.. kanna massive jam... late 2mins for work... =(

but i also knocked out during the bus trip lol... i tink afew stops after i went up the bus, i fell asleep le haha... nearly missed the bus stop which i suppose to change bus lol...

but quite tired tonite also.. tink will take a nap ba...

sorry

2008-02-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

Today work nite shift!

it's 3AM now..

today night wasn't that smooth... but i happily busy..

All the matters i could handle very well, sorta abit proud of myself haha.

just got a bunch of matter to do.. but now all settle le haha...

Gosh... I really feel like sleeping now la... super tired... But i will study 1st!! at least finish up this chapters 1st haha... motivation keeps me going on, so i may not sleep at all! haha..

I promise I'll be in the office early tmr! so i wont make u wait for me again..
I'll never make u sad ever again.

I'll always be with you till the very end.

Packing!

2008-01-31T01:31:00.000+08:00

Wasn't able to sleep last nite.. just lay on the bed stone lo... got close eye... got count sheep... cannot sleep haha... but i tink inbetween i may have fell asleep for like 1hr..

But it's ok! i am awake at 7. that's all it matters haha...

haha.. today decided to pack my table! basically was like mass throwing of unwanted stuff.. now my table looks... more spacious lol.. but before i started clearing stuff.. i basically removed everything from the table and gave it a nice wiping.. i wiped it 4 times ok! bery bery clean le! then while waiting for it to dry, i went to tak cek abit for my ccna... i tink i tak cek like 30min lidat... then i fell asleep~ i tink 2+ then i woke.. then yi bu zuo er bu xiu... decided to clear the stuff under my bed.. over the many years i have been chucking stuff below and left them there... so they accumulate alot of dust....

there was quite a fair bit of dust when i starting cleaning.... cleaning nightmare sia.. lucky got my mum's wiper... that stick wiper that can wipe clean surfaces de. all the dust will stick to it..

spent super long clearing stuff... i really dump alot stuff sia... i tink i cleared over 10 bags full of stuff.. haha...

Total time spent = 12hrs.. back-breaking sia...

Thanks for the motivation u gave me. Or else i will still be very lazy today haha..
I will work hard for the future, our future. =)

tired tired

2008-01-30T02:29:00.001+08:00

haha.. it's 2.30am... i just did a plentiful of reading hahaha... i wish i had so much enthu in studying in my ccna.. then perhaps i can go take the test straight away lol...

And i read abit basic jap! i know konichiwa! Hajimashite! Dozo Yoroshiku!

so tired now.. tink cham lah... night shift how.. 2am toh = GG liao leh...

But somehow, what i am feeling now is like a slap to my face. (eyelid wanna close but brain super active)

watever. I guess I'm tired.

Super scare is fate playing another game on me again.. Pls dont...

ok enuff said. 2 days ago is shopping time, yesterday was jogging time. guess today is tak cek time ba.. haha.. hope i really tak cek.... ok maybe not... need to pack my table also...

=))

2008-01-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

Oopsie. haha... i forgot to blog again~ sorry dear diary. =]

hmm... from the last update in my diary, got afew changes...

The 2 nice attachment students who i taught left le~ so now.. we are quite short-staffed.. then the new guy, who was supposed to be attached to me.. has to be changed to the normal shift.. which means, leave him to survive alone. lucky i taught him quite a fair bit of stuff.. so he dun die till so jialat... abit paiseh also.. see him struggle yet cannot save him...

Before the 2 guys left, we had a steamboat dinner @ Chong Qing Steamboat Suntec.
One of the pics:

Taken with some of my colleagues.

After that go watch cloverfield... Seriously regret ahhh!!! $9.50 fly~ AVP2 is alot better.

22 Jan 2008: Something nice happened today. something to do with fate. ;)
Wont tell u! Bleaahhhh =P

28 Jan 2008: I went crazy today. Bo dai bo ji went alone to IMM for shopping.. bought a total of... 7 shirts! 1 Shirt 2 Polo 4 Tshirts haha... Total price: $169...

for this cny, i spent alot liao sia.. haha... but still haven go g2000 buy shirts .. lol....

sians... working on cny.... +_+!!!!

spending spree

2008-01-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

haha.. suppose to go out with a fren.. but i guess she forgot about our appointment..
nvm also... today is good day to go out.. yea.. but i was feeling damn sian also la..

but nevertheless, i still went out to Tangs to use up my $200 gift voucher that i got during my d&d.. went to look at watches (my current 1 spoiling).. look around look around..

there was quite abit of watches on display.. got fossil, nike, adidas, police, timex, swatch, casio etc etc..
but not alot i like leh.. only some not bad... mayb it's just bcos i see them not nice ba lol...

the gshocks on display.. not nice 1 lo... sighs... i realised i still like simple designs.. finally settled on 1 timex watch.. round black face.. simple & easy design.. dun come cheap also... 180.80 bucks...
then i continue to walk walk.. saw a levis shirt not bad sias... just as shirts are on my shopping list, might as well go try.. wear already not bad leh... i just the perfect size for S everywhere lolx... the shirt was.. a not-bad fit. lolx. mai tu liao buy buy! 89 bucks fly...

after that i went tangs market drink mango iceblend... too long never drink le
Bill @ Tangs: $180.80 + $89.00 + $1.50 = $271.30

then i went wheelock... forgot bring my nokia charger replacement slip... wasted... went epicenter @ orchard, checked out the laptop bags.. okok nia.... the price... same as crumpler de laptop bag sias... so i went crumpler shop buy laptop bag... had to choose between (Dreadful Embarrassment) ($175) or The Horseman ($233). Cashmere Blazer is the besttt but too ex le! $287.. (Dreadful Embarrassment = only laptop sleeve padded, The Horseman = whole bag padded)
in the end i chose Dreadful Embarrassment bcos i like the compartments inside.. dun quite like horseman.. and it was heavier than dreadful embarrassment(perhaps due to the padding).

Went Marks & Spencer.. they no more sell foam bath orange flavour =(
bought tomato salsa chips from them instead! not cheap sia.. but i just loveee their chips..

Bill @ Wheelock = $175.00 + $5.90 = 180.90

After that went to Bugis Sim Lim Square! thought so near bugis.. might as well make a trip down.. went to buy microsd card.. i get cheap cheap 1s. no need so much size for a phone.. 1GB enough.. found best bargain sell kingston 1GB = $10.10. Straight away buy! hahaz.... then walking back... saw an accessory shop, selling screen protector for phones... not bad leh.. got my phone model... for my screen~ 8 bucks though...

Bill @ Sim Lim Square= $10.10 + $8.00 = $18.10

then i pull my tired body back home (slept for 4hr before being awakened by sis & mum) and after that sleep... after dinner! so now i awake lo.. tink better go sleep haha..

Total Bill = $271.30 + $180.90 + $18.10 = $470.30
Mediaring D&D Gift Voucher = $200
Total Money Spent = $470.30 - $200 = $270.30

hurhur

2008-01-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

Haha i'm on the night shift again.

and to be prepared, i bought alot of food!!

Here goes:

shiok or not! hahahaha...
that's around 34 bucks worth of food.. 4 bags full!
lolx.. got biscuits.. got sweets.. got crackers.. got tibits..
too bad my pantry here still not ready.. arbo i'll buy some canned food etc.. then cook~ lol!!

today nite i'm doing solo... then tmr nite the new guy attached to me will work with me.. then teach him abit here & there. then slack.. then teach again..
haha.. wonder if he can stay awake or not lolx.... he's gonna stick to my shift all the way until he can solo.. lol...

hmm... work nite sun mon tue.. till wed morning. wed afternoon/evening = koon.. thursday hopefully can go out, friday is dept dinner @ Suntec.. saturday sunday monday work again!

baika

2008-01-06T03:53:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been terrible....

1st of January.. quite ok.. working.. but slack... nothing much to do...

then.... 2nd January. whoaa~~ TRAFFIC JAM AHH~ a route that takes 10-20mins took me nearly 50mins+...

then even lagi best... when alighting the bus... freaking slipped and slammed right into the metal seat of the busstop (those new gray 1s).
lucky i siam abit... i injured the area between my hip bone & thigh bone.. so no fracture.. except 1x big swelling & blue black... walking is a pain in the ass also...
then until 9+ am lidat.. really buay tahan.. can hardly walk.. got my parents to fetch me.. supposed to come lorong chuan.. they came out wrong exit.. then went to bishan.. so i had to take cab go bishan instead....

The Doc close at 12.30PM.. heng heng i reach at 12.25 lidat. last patient lolx... got only 1 day mc =(

then on the way home, mum was the best! accidentally slammed the car door on my right finger... straight away high. so my right leg was hurting, now my right finger hurts too.

damn $!#%@$! unlucky day....

until now still damn numb la the finger.. not that pain le... and as for my leg... can walk short distance... longer distance will feel pain... cant sit cross-legged too... pain!

these few days dunno y... keep staying awake till past 4AM.. still very awake.. -.-!!

so long no post

2007-12-31T04:50:00.000+08:00

haha.. it's been 20days since i updated u my dear diary.. haha..

hmm.. recently what happened huh... hmm.. let's recall...

i bought a Nokia 6500s.. afterwhich the charger spoilt on the 2nd day. (DAMN!)
had to go down to wheelock nokia care center just to queue up and make a reservation for the charger (They had no stock!!!)

now i'm still waiting for the charger. lucky my sister's N70 charger is the same as my n6500s charger.. so now i'm not stuck with a no-battery phone.

ah yes.. Xmas.. as usual as the past few yrs.. went out with buddy desmond & frens. went to vivo but got no countdown.. got big xmas tree though.. wanted to eat Marche for dinner.. but the freaking queue was so damn long~~~
so we decided to eat at somewhere where we can get seats and eat lolx...
found seats @ Pastamania.. so yea.. not bad lolx... the pasta didn't taste very nice... sigh... too bad...
after that went to desmond house to ton.. watched Alien VS Predator.. just intime to catch Alien VS Predator 2 which will be in cinema screens on 1 Jan 2008.
after that watched 300.. which was a big mistake.. almost everyone dozed off.. haha... after that went to work super stoned.. me & my colleague slept at work lolx...

and today! morning did stupid stunt... found out my macbook pro was too damn hot.. so decided to tweak fans abit... then whole bootcamp lost.... lucky got system restore.. then managed to restore to 2 days ago.. the only thing lost was my AVP2 wallpaper, which i replaced with a newer 1 from the official website.. lolx...

hmm.. it's 5am.. somehow recently i just cannot get to sleep early.. these few nites have been sleeping at 6am... =.=!

full stomach sleeping.

2007-12-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

Gd advice for all: Never go to sleep with a very full stomach..

jialat sia.. on sunday nite.. i ate my dinner at 11... then eat bread... then monday morning... ate satay beehoon, so yea.. i'm rather full...

then i slept.. till 8... wake up and ate a HEAVY dinner. (i was quite stone so just eat.. and ate heavily lol)

then slept at 10.. woke at 1.. to eat supper (nice soup!) and going back to slp before waking at 4am...

But the funny thing is... within these 3 periods of sleep.. i had 2 dreams... somemore.. the 1st 2 period of sleep... the dream is continued 1 -.-!! sibei eerie!! how come different timing of sleep the dream can continue 1 -.-!!!

then when i slept @ 1+ till 4+, another funny dream..

but heng... not nightmares... just... strange and funny dreams... haha..

and no, it's a secret what the dreams are.. dreams are supposed to be private aren't they.. unless... 2 person shares the same dream.. then it's only known to the both of them haha...

but still advise everyone... dun sleep with a full stomach --"

3rd night

2007-12-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

it's my 3rd night shift...

my bioclock has been so screwed that i can hardly care about things already.. + i'm falling sick... gonna catch flu already...

sore throat, cough, feeling cold, stomachache.. all symptoms of lu.. sighs...

i'm wearin 2 shirts + 1 sweater with the aircon off and i'm not even feeling warm...
infact still got abit shivering...

argh.... i see alot of my frens all falling sick le... somemore i sleeping reverse timing... hard to get well -.-!!

been watching show.. i realise.. my past 21yr+ of life... like nothing much.. it's all rather dull life.. even when i had my gf.. i was still immature.. tinking back... i was reallly super immature... but tink of now, perhaps i am still not mature.. *shrug*

if only i lead an exciting life... mayb it's time to inject some color to my life?

sians

2007-12-03T07:18:00.000+08:00

this is the '2nd' nite shift i working.. although really slack... but really slack till sian... dun quite like zuo bo too much...

my pay having some minor issues.. and i having sore throat... urgh..
then yesterday.. due to me doing nite.. cannot go out with my buddy desmond...

sian sian sian... tak cek also tak until sian.. and it's damn bloody cold at nite la!!! esp btn 3-5am.. freeezzingggg...

=)

2007-11-27T05:46:00.000+08:00

One of my colleagues is leaving the company already.
sad to see him leave yea... but he's leaving for a better job prospect.. wish him all the best...

so now he taking leave.. so i gonna cover his duties... so basically.. i'll be doing nite all the way till mid dec... not that i mind though.. can relax, can do my own stuff, can watch movie, can play game, and can study also...

all along I've been going round & round in life, i couldn't see a point to aim to.. there's no aim no objective... either i cant see or simply is too lazy to do so..

Now i see a need to change myself.. hell yea. i need to start studying.. take and pass my CCNA cert then after that perhaps go for a degree..

Hmm.. maybe it's bcos i just watched a drama show that gave me quite abit of sentiments.. yea..

If you dont love yourself, how do you expect others to love you.

At 5+am right now, no disturbances.. i am able to tink better... perhaps i've been just walking along in life.. doing nothing...
Time to wake up & buck up..

HOWEVER, i'll still play my games.. perhaps maybe devote abit less time lo... well.. mayb still the same amount of time haha... Because I am who i am. i change for myself & i remain as myself. Regardless of how much i may change, i'll always be myself.

Lastly, Frenz forever! People come and go, but buddies are forever! Love yA aLL buds!

night shift

2007-11-21T07:04:00.000+08:00

i take back what i said in the prev post...

night shift has never been so hectic for me.. sian...

night shift not supposed to be this busyy!!

but i happy! i found that there's a bug with this batch of routers! hahaha...

but damn shag.. i am super tired now la.. 50more mins before the morning shift comes to take over me.....

i change my pillow le... quite unused to it... cos the size difference is alot... yesterday try sleep but keep waking up after 2-3hrs... very intermittent sleep...

hope today will be better... the lift upgrading works dont help much either.

AND I'M FREAKING FREEZING IN HERE!!!!!! TONITE SO COLD!!!!

busy

2007-11-19T02:58:00.000+08:00

haha... after today.. should have sometime for myself ba...

recently could be due to my shifts.. past 3-4 weeks super busy ah!!

haha.. saturday went to my cousin house.. then i gave back my uncle his macbook.. then he gave me 1gb ram free lolx.. tan dio liao!

so now i got 2gb ram for my macbook! hahaa

then after that brought my cousin to sunshine plaza buy for him gundam model kit.. his poor dad.. owes the kid 5 model kits.. ouch the $$.. but his dad rich la...

after buy le.. they went home and i went simlim walk walk...

tried to find a better laptop cooling fan... well.. there's a better 1.. over 3 times the current airflow of my current 1 (which i kapok from my manager), but the price is 89 bucks. holy shit. 89 bucks for a freaking fan~ bleahs... no way gonna spend lidat..

Was sorely tempted by the Razer Copperhead~ 97 bucks! argh!! dun like the new range of razer mouse.. still like the copperhead... 2000dpi laser mouse.. but 97 bucks =(
i am SOOOO addicted to laser mouses... esp the lest of the need for a mousepad.

went to T3 on sunday.. i can say.. the area is BIG. spacious.. but they put some sunshades or watever shit at the viewing mall, which makes it hard to look outside, which sucks. alot of shops aren't open yet... keke..

went back to T1 & T2 go see see... they moved swensens away from the viewing mall! shitz....

then after that went budget terminal... really is budget.. i tink it was built on a budget also.. super simple... but super cheap also la haha.. the budget terminal is really smalllll!!!! and u have to take a free shuttle bus from T2 in order to get to it.. was there less than 10mins. 1 arrival hall 1 departure hall. That's all.. eeks..

Monday Tuesday Wednesday! Night shift! hope nothing happens lol... *pray*

os leopard! bootcamp 2.0!

2007-11-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hais...

I've been so busy over the past 2 weeks.. when working = pure busy. Busy till i never even be bothered about the 3 new guys that came in..

During off days.. 1 day used for sleep.. 1 day go out... then settle some stuffs.. totally so busy!!

then this week.. suppose to do PM shift.. so i should have alot of time.. but my colleague wanna change shift with me.. so LL... instead of tue-thu PM, i do mon - thu 9-6AM... sigh... lose 1 off day.. somemore cannot do my stuffs...

Now i got 2 macbook pro with me... this 1 that i am using.. and my uncle's new Version 2 macbook pro...

need to install os leopard onto both.. then install bootcamp 2.0 on both.. haha... but i am clever... i install on my uncle computer 1st lolx... incase anyything happens... his com still = under setup.. haha...

busy busy busy~!!